Thursday, 9 January 2014

STAR JAWS: Carried away by Moondragon’s shadow!

Welcome to Part 2 of Star Jaws!

The “Story” So far:-

Just as MJ was about to kiss Peter Parker, a rocket ship containing Sam the Sesame Street Robot crash lands, having sent MJ for “help” Spidey gets treated to a flash back story from Sam where Sam is in Moondragon’s space ship when they encounter a rather familiar space station “the size of a planet”…

And no I didn’t just make that up… even I am not that crazy… well okay not all of the time…




Sam’s flashback story continues as the space station “the size of a planet” produces one of those “win a cuddly toy” fairground hands, you know the ones that normally fail to grab anything…

But let’s be fair can anyone actually explain what a tractor beam is (beyond the realms of fantasy that is) let alone to a young kid

Having been grabbed we them move into a homage to the opening Sequence of Star Wars aboard the blockade runner, as the door gets blasted and a bunch of Doombots attack en masse…




Only to have the story turn sharply left and have a free for all punch up with no blasters at all.  Our heroes are quickly overpowered by sheer numbers and Darth Vader - I mean DR DOOM makes his evil entrance, and he has an equally evil pun to unleash on us (and anyone else who might not be that hirsute)

I prefer to think the pun overpowered our heroes - it is that bad!

For a young kid I guess its a laugh, but is it really good idea to encourage name calling to a young child?! Next thing you know poor granddad is being called baldy locks… anyway…



Sam manages to escape and the rocket goes through a pair of swing doors and into space…

Wait a minute - what did I just say…?!

Yes you can even see Doombots somehow do not get sucked out into space in the same panel as well, I think whatever the laws of physics happen to be, they simply do not apply here

Again to be fair what does a very young kid know about space, probably that it is dark and has stars in it, the laws of decompression are probably more than a few years away

Thankfully the flashback concludes with Sam and Spidey just in time…




for a bunch of Doombots to arrive in their space ships and just literally fall out of the hatch of one of the still flying ships, no ladders or parachutes or even flight packs here

This is presumably why it is so easy for Spidey to dispatch the first group of Doombots with just one punch

Next Spidey webs up one of the still flying spaceships, what good will that do? You might ask…




Well apparently spidey has the strength to literally pull the still flying spaceship he has just webbed to the ground, don’t ask me how that works - I don’t think we are in Kansas anymore…

and just to make that even clearer yet more Doombots just tumble out of the hatch of yet another still flying spaceship, and all manage to conveniently be captured in one spin of Spidey’s web

I guess young kids are not expected to know anything abut gravity either

Meanwhile, the space station “the size of a planet” seems to be developing a rather wicked smile, like a pumpkin at Halloween




Which neatly leads us into the evil plot reveal from DR DOOM, who apparently can’t resist telling us his plan before he has carried it out, even to the extent of pointing out which switch will do the deed

But that is fine that is for the young kid who this comic is intended for

However, let us pause for a moment to consider the deed itself, the space station “the size of a planet” is named as Star Jaws, quite simply because it will eat up the planet earth in its massive jaws 

Where to begin with such a proposition?  

Well firstly let us start with the space station “the size of a planet” being clearly much bigger than the size of a planet, yet somehow being hidden behind earths moon…

And ponder on to consider if these Star Jaws do indeed eat earth where would Doom live or indeed who would he be ruling over exactly

and then maybe wonder what benefit would be gained from eating the earth, is it for energy or just for the sheer heck of it, will the Star Jaws just float around with chewed up bits of earth inside for no discernible reason?

I think I can safely say - mind blown - by any part of this concept what so ever

NEXT WEEK:- It’s the comic book adaptation of the cantina sequence from a well known 1977 George Lucas Blockbuster movie,  NOT

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