Thursday, 16 January 2014

STAR JAWS: “The Poisoned Chalice”

Welcome to Part Three of STAR JAWS

“The Story” so far…

Cue some very familiar music...

Just as MJ was about to kiss Peter Parker, a rocket ship containing Sam the Sesame Street Robot crash lands, having sent MJ for “help” Spidey gets treated to a flash back story from Sam where Sam is in Moondragon’s space ship when they encounter a rather familiar space station “the size of a planet”, and their space ship is grabbed by a large hand and pulled into the space station.

The door of their space ship is blown off and Sam and Moondragon are attacked by masses of Doombots and are overcome by sheer numbers. DOCTOR DOOM makes his entrance and unleashes a combined pun / insult at Moondgragons hair.

Sam somehow manages to escape and flies the escape capsule through swing doors ignoring the laws of decompression to crash land on Earth and end his flash back story

Just in time for a bunch of space ships arrive, from which groups of Doombots plummet to the ground, Spidey dispatches the Doombots easily, even going as far as somehow managing to pull a still flying space ship to the ground.

Meanwhile DOCTOR DOOM taunts the still captured moondragon with his his evil fiendish plan, which is to literally use his space station “the size of a planet” which he calls STAR JAWS, to eat the Earth

Leaving our minds blown by struggling to understand what possible benefit could there be in doing such a thing, let alone if its even possible…

Heck, just read the last 2 instalments if you don’t believe me

Anyway...

We start off with introducing our next 2 guest stars

We have Marvel boy (no relation at all to Marvel Man, ‘nuff said), this being the Atlas comics 1950s version (Robert Grayson) who is kind of playing parts of the roles of both Han Solo and Luke Skywalker - but in this instalment at any rate he’s supposed to be Han Solo

and Paul the Gorilla (from The Electric company, probably best known as the co star of Jennifer of the Jungle) as Chewbacca - kind of…

Here’s a video of Paul with Jennifer and Spidey as well...



Anyway... Marvel Boy and Paul appear in to be stuck into in a version of the Cantina sequence from Star Wars

The Frog with a serving tray spouts dialog that seems to invoke Clint Eastwood in a Western in reply to Marvel Boys request for milk

Is the message to kids simply don’t drink milk as its only for babies?

I don’t know about you but I think kids do not need much encouragement in that area (thinking they have outgrown everything already in a mad rush to be seen as grown up)…



The Frog seems determined to pick a fight, so Marvel Boy blasts him with a bright light and THEN punches the frog so hard he falls down and he is revealed to be a man in a frog suit

All the while Paul just remains seated happily eating ice cream...

So kiddies the moral lesson from this page is that it is best to blind your enemy before punching him out, as that avoids all that unnecessary protracted fighting



Then we take a complete left turn as we then suddenly told that some how this sequence is all taking place on a movie set with a lady director- This being Rita The Director, again from The Electric company

Heres a video of Rita…



Quite how Marvel Boy gets to be in one of her movies boggles the imagination…

Anyway Rita prepares to stage “the big fight scene” and calls for some extras and then suddenly Spidey and Sam the robot enter ....



Rita tells Spidey, Sam, Marvel boy and Paul to run inside Marvel Boys Spaceship, Spidey tries to tell her he his being chased by real robots but typically enough she just ignores him

The Doombots then make their entrance and Rita rolls the cameras…



But the Doombots appear to be in destruct mode throwing tables at Spidey and punching Marvel Boy

As prompted earlier Spidey, Sam, Marvel boy and Paul all run inside Marvel Boys Spaceship, which looks very very familiar indeed...


And the Doombots climb inside their ship which has somehow completely changed shape and size from the last time we saw it and chases after Marvel Boys space ship

The surreal seqeunce concludes with Rita admonishing that this was not in the script

Until that moment it wasn’t very clear if Rita’s sudden appearance and this whole sequence wasn’t a forth wall breaking moment and that the revelation was that it is Rita making the movie called STAR JAWS (as lets face it that would certainly explain a lot)

While instead we left with a rather confusing movie within the movie while the main movie story continues, as if Spidey and Sam accidentally escaped into the wrong movie studio where another movie was being filmed

But then the props (the space ships) all seem to be real and actually work!

Quite what movie Rita was making remains unclear and is not mentioned again

What the message here for the Kiddies is, I don’t even want to guess!

The issue of wanting to pretend that movies have real magic as opposed to props and special effects for a young kid I suppose might be understood but then to directly conflict that with a fake movie that clearly shows the bad guy monster is just a bloke in a costume destroys that point entirely…

Oh well, it can’t get any worse can it?!

NEXT WEEK: It’s Ludicrous Speed featuring “The Attack of the Lawyers”…

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